When Life gives you lemons make grapefruit juice
by XxNightfirexX
Summary: ...and let life wonder how the heck you did that. The Titans' thought it was hard work battling Slade, oozing monsters, and obsessed fans, but not one of them even dared thought about what would happen when they had kids...pairings are inside
1. Of Richard and Kori

**Hey, Everyone! Welcome to my random drabble story! This is a story where I randomly put in, well, drabbles, about the different families and teenagers that influence the Titan's lives. This was influenced by Beast Boy's Swivel Chair's Mwahaha and Harry Potter 1994's Randomness. They are both awesome stories so check them out!**

**Also, this is just a prototype, so if you want me to go anywhere with it then make sure you let me know, or I might not continue it!**

**Disclaimer: I own...something...nothing...**

**The Mall**

"Robin?"

"..."

"Robin?"

"..."

"ROBIN?!"

"WHAT?!"

"We have been walking around for THREE HOURS! Are you sure you know where in the mall we are?"

"Yes, of course I-No idea."

**Hospital**

Screaming something about dieing, Nightwing tried to relax. He sat in the waiting room of the hospital clicking a pen over and over again, and driving everyone completely crazy. Most people left in search of another possible area to wait where they could stay sane.

He began hyperventilating and started pacing the floor. He wished the rest of the team was here, and not fighting someone else. Right now he couldn't care less if Slade took over the city. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the nurse came out to him.

"Nightwing, it is time to see your new baby girl!"

**Girl's night out**

He hoped she wouldn't find out. He hoped _they_ wouldn't find out. Just the thought of either his daughter or his wife knowing that he was hiding in a tree outside of his daughter's friend's house taking notes was unbearable. He pushed it to the back of his mind.

"Alright, Mar'i," A girl whom he recognized as Lian, Roy's daughter, asked her, "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," she answered confidently.

"Do you have a crush on Jake?" she asked. The other girls nodded and repeated the question.

This was it. The moment of truth. This would decide whether or not Jake would be visited by a murderer by the name of Dick Grayson or not. He leaned in closer, the seconds passing by like eons.

A snap.

The branch broke sending him down a good 20 feet or so. He landed in a bush.

"Ow! Get off of me!" The bush spoke?

"What the? Bushes don't talk!" Richard whispered.

"No you idiot! It's me, Roy!" He said, as the fiery haired archer climbed out of the bush he was hiding in.

"Let me guess, you're trying to figure who you should murder tonight?" Richard asked.

"Yeah. Apparently Lian has a crush on some guy named...Jake," He said.

"Well, this could be either really good or really bad. The good news is I was on my way over there anyway for Mar'i," Dick reasoned, hoping they could team up.

"And the bad news?" Roy asked nervously. Before Dick could answer, however, he was interrupted by two screaming girls.

"DADDY!" Both Mar'i and Lian screamed at the same time, "What are you doing here?!"

Roy glanced nervously over at his friend.

"We're...uh...discussing politics..." Dick managed.

However, politics was not a worthy enough excuse to save them from the wrath of a Tamaranian warrior and a skilled archer who keeps poison on her person at all times.

**Teenagers and father-in-laws**

He had fought giant oozing monsters. He had sat through documentaries on hot dogs and watched Wicked Scary. He had seen the reincarnation of evil. He had fought assassins and murderers. He had suffered through training with the world's greatest detective. But nothing, absolutely _nothing _could prepare him for this.

He had never been so scared in his life as he sat in front of this teenage boy, questioning him about anything from his name to his crime record.

Suddenly he heard foot steps. He turned around nervously to come face to face with his _teenage __daughter._

"You're not trying to scare him off, are you daddy?" She asked, glaring at him. He shook his head, "Good. Because Mom said I should come down here early just to make sure."

She walked past him, and she and her date hurriedly ran out the door. Dick stood still until he could hear the motorcycle speeding off. He glanced around, and, after making sure his wife was no where to be found, he crept up to the door. Just as he was about to open it, however, a green energy ray shot past him. He turned to meet his wife.

"Richard, I swear if I catch you scaring off _**another**_ boyfriend, I will tell Galfore that you would like to spend some quality time with him."

Scratch that. Being the father of a teenage girl wasn't nearly as frightening as facing an angry father-in-law. He wished that someday he would be that feared.

**It's not a very good story yet, but I hope you R&R and I could use some new ideas. This was just a test to see if I can succeed at this type of thing. Once again, if you review I'll continue!**

**XxNightfirexX**


	2. Of Gar and Raven

**And now for the chapter with Beast Boy and Raven! Well...can you really call this a chapter? (Shrugs) Oh well. I would like to thank all of my reviewers in the order that they reviewed:**

**Tennisgal456, jcyz, Star-Robin, SuPeR HyPeR chick 101, Seraephina, cartoonstar, Somewhere In Time, TAUT13. **

**You guys are A-mazing!**

**ALSO! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SERAEPHINA! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GET THIS UP IN TIME! This chapter is dedicated to you, Anna. No matter how much you **_**despise **_**this pairing. –Shrugs- If I even get a chapter dedicated to me it will be in a Rob/Rae fic, so there you go.**

**x**

**Pancakes**

It wasn't too bad. At least, that's what he told his wife. He glanced at his son, seeing that he was also suffering from the pain of choking down Raven's pancakes. 503. There were exactly 503 pancakes. He counted. Somehow, he had to get rid of them. He guessed that he could always call Kori over for breakfast, but then again, Dick and Mar'i would come too an wouldn't be happy with him.

So he sat there and stared at them, hoping that they would magically disappear that way. When had they got all of the ingredients for 503 pancakes? What store carried that much flour, eggs, or milk? Why had Raven bothered to make 503 pancakes?

Perhaps the world would never know.

"Son," Gar said, not looking up from the disgusting, burned, uncooked batter, "I know I won't, but if there is some possible way that you make it to lunch, I'd like my grave to say, 'Warning: Never Trust Pancakes.'"

**Finding a needle in a haystack**

In stereotypical ways, it is only expected for a busy mother to one day come home from a long day of clipping coupons, finding sales, and bargaining with a store manager to find a big mess at home created by her children and/or the husband who has not yet come to realize that he is not, in fact, one of the children there.

But that didn't happen at the Logan's. Raven bought whatever she felt like buying and didn't give a crap on whether or not something was on sale. Another thing she didn't do was come home and not be appreciated for all of her hard work. Now, she was _feared_. You mess something up and you better clean it before the mess is complete. That or face the wrath of Raven, the angry mom.

You can only guess how surprised she was when she came in one day to find the entire house covered in hay and a trail of it leading towards the living room. She walked into the accused room to see a giant haystack. She was about to ask what the hell was going on, when she heard her son yell, 'I think I found the needle over here!' and her husband yell, 'No! It's over here!'

And suddenly, she didn't want to know.

**Hard to Get**

Jacob Mark Logan was your average teenage heartthrob. Blonde hair styled over one eye, smile that drove everyone (even some of the guys) wild, six pack, sense of fashion, (Which wasn't very common among guys) and of course, amethyst eyes. They weren't dark purple like his mother's, and they had no hint of green or blue from his father, they were just...amethyst. And every person of the female gender under age 20 and above 13 that lived in Jump City knew it.

But no matter how many girls followed him around, there was only one girl for him. She played hard to get, but he was sure she liked him back the way he liked her. How was he so sure? He might not have been a genius, but it didn't take an idiot to know that when someone is not only looking in your general direction, and is occasionally drooling, that usually means they are in the middle of a daydream that may or may not concern the person they are staring at.

He desperately wanted to ask her out, but he just couldn't work up the courage to. It wasn't the fact that she was playing hard to get or that he was afraid she would say no, he had asked many girls out before and had no problem with that, but you would have to be the R-cycle, now named the N-cycle, to be liable for trust from Mar'i's dad.

And just the thought of facing Dick Grayson's questioning and attempts at scaring her other boyfriends off, so he had heard from the victims, made him reluctantly put the roses in the trash and try to work up the courage to ask her out next Friday.

**X**

**That last one was kind of sad. Next we have the life of Victor's family and then Lian's. I actually didn't know that Lian existed until half-way through TAOMG, so that's why Sarah and Clara will not make any more appearances.**

**XxNightfirexX**

**Review!**


	3. Of Victor and Karen

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, guys. My birthday was Wednesday and my party was Saturday. On Sunday I had a People To People meeting, and then I had homework to do. So hopefully I'll have updated most-if not all-my stories by Tuesday. Again, sorry for the long wait.**

**You guys will never guess what happened! I won SECOND PLACE in the county Social Studies Fair on that model of the Tower of London!**

**Disclaimer: Ya know, if you happen to own Teen Titans, it's not too late to give me a birthday present. In other words, no I do not **_**yet **_**own Teen Titans. –Hint, hint-**

**X**

**Not the Sharpest Tool in the Tool Box**

Victor was a genuinely good kid. Despite the fact that he was a teenage boy, he wasn't out to pick on freshman or start a band of drug-selling, mentally ill idiots. It's not like he had the choice, though. If _**your **_parents were former crime fighters, would you be looking for trouble? Didn't think so.

On the occasional days where he would talk to someone who was not also a second generation Teen Titan, it would usually end up with whoever he was talking to realizing that where Jake, Mar'i, and/or Lian had triumphed, he had failed miserably. It didn't help that his father was a walking supercomputer, either. Or that his mother had the ability to shrink. He was just...a normal human being. He suspected that he was adopted, even though he had already found his birth certificate and it had been proved that he hadn't. Then one day, it happened.

The class: advanced diversified technology. The assignment: build an advanced model rocket. The timer: 45 minutes. To most that was impossible, but to Victor, that was 1rst grade. In fact, Victor had just begun his project, when he heard an explosion nearby. He ran to see what had happened, when Jake came into view. There was a bountiful amount of debris all over the classroom. He just had to look at Jake and the rocket-or at least was at one time-to know what had happened.

After he had correctly connected all of the wires, Victor explained to Jake what he did wrong and how he fixed the problem. If the dumbfounded look on Jake's face wasn't enough to boost his confidence, what Jake said afterwards was:

"God, Victor! Sometimes you make me feel so _stupid_!"

**Second Prize**

Some people worked their entire lives, and got a participation sticker for their efforts. Some didn't even get that. For some, 18th, or maybe even 20th, place was like a faraway dream, and if they even got past the first round, it would be a miracle. For those people, 2nd place was like going to heaven. But for Victor Stone (Cyborg), 2nd place just wasn't good enough. He knew fully well that the T-car should win 1rst place in the world-wide car contest.

He was sure that the judges had been bribed. There was no way his baby was second in line. He didn't care how, but he _was_ going to get revenge. He couldn't live with himself if he lost to some second-rate piece of garbage that wasn't _nearly _as amazing as the T-car.

Now if only he knew who the first place winner was.

**Balanced Out**

She balanced shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of a teenage son, and saving the world. But that was Karen Stone, formerly Beecher, for ya. If you needed a miracle, she could usually fit that in somewhere in between her 'appointments.' Unlike Kori, she didn't put up with crap, and unlike Raven, she was generally fun-loving and someone people don't fear being around. But she had her weak points, too.

Like the fact that she knew absolutely nothing about technology, but was married to a guy whose body was half metal and had a son who could build a submarine in ten minutes if asked to.

That and she wasn't much a people person, either. Just like Raven and Kori, you wouldn't want to get on her bad side.

In other words, you're fine as long as your name isn't Roy Harper.


	4. Of Roy and Jade

**How is everyone doing? It's really cold in my basement, where I'm typing this. I have to wear gloves, so if there is some mistake, please let me know, okay? **

**Please read the works of Seraephina 'the great' or as I like to call her, 'Phi-phi', and the works of waves2622, the newest addition to FF! She still needs to be trained to write longer chapters, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it if you drop by and help her out a bit.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, but I do own this CD I'm listening to: 'Hercules.' It's the soundtrack. Man do I love it. :D**

**Faster than a Speeding Snail**

He had to admit it. Maybe he wasn't the _fastest _guy around, or, should he say, the _speediest_. So what? He didn't fight as Speedy anymore; he fought as Arsenal, defender of all that is hair products. No, he had given up Speedy a long time ago.

It all started when he fought the Brotherhood of Evil. He was supposed to be the hero, but somehow, someway, he found himself in love with a villain. For Wally, that worked just fine. Jinx wasn't that bad in reality. But for him, being in love with an assassin was a little nerve-wracking.

He nearly died when he told Robin that Cheshire was pregnant and he was the father, but the worst was yet to come...

...he had to tell Karen eventually.

**Compromise**

Roy and Jade had made a deal. He wouldn't give up being a hero, and she wouldn't give up being an assassin. It was just who they were. Sure, there were some difficulties, and Richard wasn't her best friend, either, but she loved living with security and she loved her daughter, Lian.

Twenty years ago, she never would have pictured herself here, but that was one of life's little twists. She seemed to be magnetically attracted to them. After living on her own, struggling to survive, and going days without food or nutrition, she realized she had a lot to learn about modern life. As always, she found she could learn remarkably quickly, but there was one question that always bothered her:

How on Earth did instant mashed potatoes work?

**Tug O' War **

It was a constant battle for Lian. Many told her to fight for the side of truth and justice, and many told her that evil was the only way to go. She couldn't look to her parents for the answer, for they would argue over which was best.

For a long time, she felt lost and small, which was sensible considering her age. She thought she had the worst luck in the world, especially when people would torment her for it. She became so jealous of her best friend, Mar'i, that he assassin side took over and she set out to kill the famous Nightwing. It wouldn't be too hard; she knew how to leave without giving any evidence.

That is, until, she met him. Suddenly, she was incredibly happy to be herself, and to not have Richard Grayson stalking her wherever she went. Then again...

"Daddy! Get out from behind that bush, I can still see you!"

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review! The real story starts with the next chapter, now that I'm done introducing everyone. Don't worry; There will still be lots of humorous drabbles!**

**XxNightfirexX**


	5. Of Fathers and Pranks

I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I haven't had time to do ANYTHING lately

**I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I haven't had time to do ANYTHING lately. Please forgive me.**

**Insert standard disclaimer here.**

**XXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

**Exams**

He shuddered just at the mention of the word. He and exams never worked well with each other. It's not that he wasn't a smart person, you could ask anyone that, but the pressure always got to him. He felt as though he was cursed, especially when he tried to use his test scores to show the quote "love of his life" how smart he was.

Unfortunately for Jake, Mar'i wasn't all that impressed with 78 and lower grades.

**Everyone was Kung-Foo fighting**

Every Saturday was a living hell for Victor. He and his parents, unwillingly might I add, lugged themselves out of bed and over to Titans' Tower, where Nightwing would have his infamous training sessions. Since it started at 6:00 AM sharp, everyone was half asleep by the time they got there and started the training sessions. True, it only lasted until noon, but in that short period of time, they were yelled at, punched, kicked, and beaten by their (occasionally) well rested opponent. But this time it was going to be different.

Everyone had to admit that Victor had a lot of courage standing up to Nightwing, but everyone was also in on the plan. Mar'i and Kori ran around the house in the middle of the night and set all of the clocks in the house back by five and a half hours, making sure to do the alarm clock first. See, it was a rule that if Nightwing didn't show up at all during the six hour course, then the team, or should I say teams, had the next four weeks off. The plan was to sleep in and casually show up at about 11:30. They would wait there for a half an hour, and, when Nightwing didn't show up, they could have four peaceful Saturdays.

Unfortunately for them, Nightwing casually strolled in about 30 seconds before the deadline, smirking.

"You know, since all of my clocks are slow, and you obviously were waiting to train for _sooo _long, I decided we'll go ahead and do an eight hour session today."

No one dared to even think about having courage around him again.

**Wicked Scary**

The foursome sat around the TV, their eyes glued to it and their mouths getting ready to scream. Mar'i had her arms wrapped around Jake, who was too scared to notice. Suddenly the word "END." appeared. They looked at each other, at the TV, and back at one another again. Jake and Victor burst out laughing while Mar'i quickly removed her arms and tried to hide her blushing face. She stood up quickly, looking around for an excuse to leave the room before Jake realized what she was doing.

"Uh...I have to...uh...check the window in my kitchen for...uh...chickens. Those dang chickens always fly into the window..." She spoke nervously, cursing herself for the absolute ridiculousness of her excuse.

"Let's watch it again!" Jake and Victor cried simultaneously. Lian shot her head up from the pillow it was buried in.

"Uh, Mar'i! You'll need some help, I'll come with you!" She cried, hurriedly following her friend out of the room.

"Dude, that was scary!" Victor said in between laughs.

"I can think of something, or rather someone even scarier," Jake murmured.

"Ah, Mar'i's dad isn't _that_ scary. What horror story do you have for this week?" Victor joked.

"I walked up to the door, holding these beautiful roses. I rang the doorbell, and Nightwing opened it. He must've known why I was there, 'cuase he glared at me. Before I knew it, I looked over and the roses had wilted! It was one of the most terrifying nights of my life!" Jake said, narrating the entire story with unnecessary hand motions.

"Are you sure weren't just scared that she would reject you?" he laughed.

"Of course not, I'm too handsome to say no to," he said, emphasizing it by stroking his hair. Victor rolled his eyes. "Besides, you've never seen it! Why don't you try bringing roses over there! You'll see them wilt just as I did!"

"Why were you bringing roses to my house? Who were they for?"

"Ugh, Victor, haven't you been paying attention at all? They were for Mar'i-" it was at that point that he realized he didn't bring roses over to Victor's house, and Victor didn't ask the question, because he was rolling on the floor laughing. That and the voice sounded suspiciously like... "I mean, uh, Mar'i's mom! Yeah, for your, uh, mom's birthday, Mar'i!"

"Riiggghhhhtttt."

**Wow, that was a long drabble. Well, I thought you deserved it, so there you go. Toodles!**

**XxNightfirexX**


	6. Of Community Service and Sunsets

I decided it was about time to add another chapter-ish thing to this

**I decided it was about time to add another chapter-ish thing to this. In the spirit of Earth day, this chapter is all about the enviroment.**

**BTW, I just wanted everyone to know that as of this very moment, I own 19 cats. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

**X**

**Environmentally Friendly**

"Why am I doing this again?" He asked, picking up another piece of trash off of the side of the road. It was a sweltering hot day, and Jake had been complaining the entire five minutes that they had been out there.

"Because we are supposed to be good examples for the community, and since Earth Day is next week, we volunteered to clean up our city for the week. You sounded really interested when I suggested it," Mar'i pointed out, momentarily pausing from her work.

"But we've been out here _forever_! How much longer is it?" He whined, walking up to a tree. He sat in the shade, happy to be out of the heat. Mar'i groaned and rolled her eyes before responding.

"We have been out here for _five minutes, _Jake. As for how long it will be, we have five more hours today, and every other day for the rest of this week," She resumed her work, smiling at his pain.

"But that means we won't be done with this for all of eternity! Besides, I don't see why we _have _to do this; no one knows that we're the people setting the good examples. Your dad made us swear we wouldn't tell a soul," He complained.

"See that tree you're sitting under? Yeah, well, I thought you would start complaining, so I asked my dad to sit in it and watch you just to make sure you were working," she informed him, smiling innocently. Almost immediately he had jumped out from under the tree and picked up nearly all of the trash he could find.

"See, Mr. Grayson, sir? I'm picking up all of the trash and being a good role model!" He laughed nervously, continuing to work. Lian walked over to Mar'i.

"Where is your dad really?" she whispered. Mar'i grinned.

"He's playing golf with Bruce. He says it's the only thing he can beat him at, but he loses every time," she whispered back.

"Nice."

**Leaves Don't Just Grow on Trees, You Know**

"Are you sure you want to plant it _there_? It's too close to the other trees," He pointed out. Jake nodded in response.

"Yes Victor, I want to put it here, right outside of my window," Jake told him.

"But why?" Victor asked, "It will block out the sun. Besides, either that tree or the other one will suck all of the nutrients away, and you'll have an ugly dead tree in your yard." Jake looked down at the small sapling in his hands, at the window, and then at the other tree.

"I want it there because I like to open my window a lot, but the leaves from that other tree keep blowing into my room. I know it will take like, three years to completely cover the other tree, but the way I see it, it's worth it," He told him. Victor just stared.

"Wait a minute, let me get this straight. You want to grow a tree to block out the leaves from the other tree?" He questioned.

"Pretty much," Jake said.

Victor turned and walked away, muttering something along the lines of, "Yeah, because leaves don't grow on trees!"

**Sunset**

The sky looked like a painting. Reds and oranges were streaked across the sky, with purples and pinks swirled in. Jake, Lian, Mar'i, and Victor all sat in awe, staring up with wide eyes.

"I bet," Mar'i whispered, "that the sunset was created when the world lost all of its beauty, and people began to destroy everything. Then, when all hope seemed lost, the Earth tried one last time to get people to appreciate life, and he called for all of the greatest artists that the world had ever known. They painted the sky, and everyone saw how amazing life was after just one glimpse. So to reward the people for seeing the light, the artists paint it every night for all to see."

"Or maybe," Jake whispered back, "the colors represent every good soul that ever existed, and when you die, if your heart is pure, you become part of the greatest mural ever painted."

"What if," Victor started, "the sunset was created as a reminder that after everything, there is something beautiful at the end of the day?"

"What about you, Lian? What do you think?" Mar'i asked quietly. Lian just stared at the masterpiece in front of them. No one had told them to be quiet, but it seemed only fit in this situation. All four were content. After about five minutes, Lian stood up, and brushed herself off.

"It's too bad that the colors we see are actually just the light reflecting on all of the pollution in the air," she said.

"You really know how to ruin a moment, don't you?" Mar'i asked.

"Yep, it's my specialty!"

**X**

**How did you like it? Please read and review!**

**XxNightfirexX**


	7. Of Golf and Inflatable Buddies

I was just sitting around and since I can't seem to finish my other stories, :P, I decided to quickly put this one up

**I was just sitting around and since I can't seem to finish my other stories, :P, I decided to quickly put this one up. **

**This is basically the chapter that was inspired by everyone's reviews. I dedicate this chapter to all of you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

**X**

**Golf**

The air was intense. He narrowed his eyes, observing his surroundings. Now was the time when all of his training and knowledge would pay off. He steadied his hands, and concentrated. With a burst of energy, he swung the club. His eyes followed the small round ball as soon as it had made impact, all the way to its landing spot. After hitting two trees, it rolled over to the hole, stopping just a few feet short. Richard smirked, leaning up against his club.

"Just try and beat _that, _Bruce. I know you can't in one swing, but I still want to see it," He told him, sure that he was going to win this time. Bruce may have been a legendary superhero, but he never did play golf, as many wealthy people did.

"I'll try," Bruce stated, shrugging, "And I'll win. You may have got it close, but now it's time to learn from the _master_." He walked over towards the ball, staring at it.

"Uh, Bruce? You have to hit it with a club," Richard laughed, knowing that this was the first time Bruce had ever played.

"I'm not going to use one," Bruce replied. Richard stopped.

"What do you mean, not going to use one?" he questioned, "How can you play without one?"

"Watch and learn," He informed him. He narrowed his eyes at the ball, glaring at it. Suddenly, it began to levitate. It floated all the way across the course and dropped straight into the hole. Bruce smiled as Richard's jaw dropped.

"But how did...I mean...the ball...floating..." Richard stuttered.

"Come on, let's got to the next course, golf is fun!" Bruce told him, walking away.

"If that is how you're going to play, then I am never going to play with you again!" Richard yelled, pulling the bags towards the golf cart.

**Inflate-O Buddy**

She glanced up at the clock for the fifth time in the past minute. A sigh escaped her. _Late. _She thought to herself, a scowl appearing on her face. She looked down at her dress, wondering if she had dressed up for nothing. The tick of the clock rang in her head, reminding her that her date was supposed to arrive almost two hours before. She had _never _been stood up before. If one asked her out, than they weren't going to break her heart for fear of her dad. He was usually the one who messed everything up, but that was only _after _the first sixteen minutes. Her head shot up.

"_DADDY!" _She screamed, within moments, her father appeared at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong Mar'i?" He asked, noticing the blue glow of her eyes.

"Where. Is. My. Date?" She asked through clenched teeth. He paled.

"Date? What date?"

"What did you do to him?" she accused. He scratched the back of his neck and gave her a sheepish smile.

"Well, I sort of, kind of, well, you see...I may or may not have told him that if he stepped foot on our street he wouldn't see the light of day again," He offered. Mar'i was anything but pleased.

"I had a date to the fanciest restaurant in town. My favorite band was going to play. Now that you've managed to scare _another _one off, you need to get me a new one," She commanded him. He looked nervously around the room. If he didn't think of something, he would be killed. If not by Mar'i, then by Kori when she found out.

Suddenly, an idea came to mind. He raced off and came back with a small package. He glanced up at Mar'i's angry face, and then looked at the package. He held it out to her.

"What am I supposed to do with this, Daddy?" she questioned. He took the package back and found a hole in it. He put his mouth to it and began to blow. Within moments a shiny inflatable person was staring at the two of them. Mar'i was not amused.

"Are you out of your mind?! I am _not _taking an inflatable person to, wait a minute," she looked over at it, then back at her father with disgust, "This is an inflatable Robin. Daddy, why would you think I would want to date an inflatable _you_?"

"Because I trust him. Plus, he only cost me a dollar fifty at the dollar store," He closed his eyes, looking very proud of himself. Mar'i clenched her fists, and then stomped upstairs. Nightwing looked over at the Inflate-O Buddy.

"What are you looking at?"

**I know, I know, only two today. But there will be more later, I promise!**

**XxNightfirexX **


	8. Of Checkers and Schnookums

**Here is another edition! Hope you like it!**

**BTW, I'm currently writing a Grapefruit Juice special that will be much longer than they usually are. It will be out soon, and hopefully, it will be very funny!**

**Also, these two are longer than they usually are.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans.**

**X**

**King Me!**

"Wait...can I move this piece here or here?" He asked, picking up his red piece. Lian sighed.

"We've been over this _several _times. First of all, you're not supposed to pick the piece up. Second, you can move it diagonally as long as you go forward," she told him. He put the piece back down and studied to board again.

"Can I move it here?" He asked, pointing to a space behind him. Lian put her head in her hands.

"All I wanted to do was play checkers. I guess I didn't think you could be _this _stupid at a game that is so easy!" Jake frowned.

"Is that a yes?" he asked. Lian cringed. She was seriously considering killing him at this point. Fortunately for Jake, Victor walked over at that exact moment, meaning that there would be a witness.

"Hey, what are you playing?" Victor asked.

"We're playing checkers!" Jake replied cheerfully, obviously unaware of what was about to happen just moments ago.

"Hmmm...well, you have this all wrong. You need to move your piece there, and then double jump her here," he told Jake, motioning at the board.

"No way," Mar'i argued, walking over to the game board, "He has to work his way around all of her pieces, get a king, and then jump all of her pieces, having the advantage that she doesn't."

"Hey!" Lian interjected, "Why are you strategizing _against _me?" No one seemed to hear her.

"Are you kidding? He needs to use my method," Victor told her.

"No, the better way is mine! I'm a checkers expert!"

"I'm more of an expert than you are!"

"Well you know what _I _am?" Lian asked, standing up, "I'm breaking this board!" She picked up the board, tore it in half, and threw it out the window, leaving a shocked Mar'i and Victor. She stormed out of the room.

"Hey, since you two are the experts," Jake said, looking over at them, "Does that mean I win?"

**Flour or Flowers?**

She picked up the sack of flour, giving it a questioning look. She gazed up at her teacher, back at the sack of flour, and back at her teacher once more.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm supposed to take care of this sack of flour for a week?" She asked him. He nodded in response.

"Yes, you and your partner, Jake, will act as the mother and father of this sack of flour for seven days. And Lian, please, try not to kill the father of your child," he told her. Lian could practically feel the glare from Mar'i behind her.

"Alright, does everyone understand what you have to do?" Seeing as no one said anything, he continued, "Class dismissed!" The class filed out of the room, leaving overturned desks and chairs.

_Later that same day..._

"Just look at them, the way the baby that sack of flour is...is...well, I can't think of the word, but it makes me _sick!_" Mar'i said, holding the binoculars up to her face. Victor rolled his eyes.

"Come on, are you sure you aren't just, oh I don't know, jealous of the fact that Mr. Convoy paired Lian up with him to be a parent and not yourself?" he offered.

"What would make you think that?" she questioned.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's the fact that for the past few days, you've been glaring at Lian, you always have this sinister scowl on your face, and that we're sitting in a bush in the park spying on Jake and Lian! Can't you just let it go? I've had to protect our precious baby ever since_ you _neglected it, not to mention the fact that I have grass all over my butt!" he complained.

"First of all, I am _not _jealous. Second of all, it is impossible to neglect and/or love a sack of flour. And lastly, deal with it! I don't care if you are around so much grass that you become allergic to it! Either sit here and shut up, or jump off a cliff. Your choice," she spoke with an almost venomous tone.

"You know what? Your words hurt, Mar'i," he told her. She pretended not to hear.

"I've got an idea!" Mar'i whispered to herself.

"Whatever it is, count me out!" He told her, leaving.

_Later...again..._

"Just look at my wonderful bag of flour! Isn't he the best?" Mar'i nearly shouted, just enough to get Jake to look over at her. He gave a questioning look at the 'best' bag of flour that she was currently holding.

"Uh...what are you doing?" He asked her cautiously. He had suspected something like this would happen, but he had hoped it wouldn't.

"Well, I was just taking my beautiful son, who isn't yours, out for a lovely stroll in the park so his father, who isn't you, could take a nice, long nap!" She exclaimed. Jake raised his eyebrow as he looked at the flour bag. Someone had drawn a really big eye on one side of its head, and a small one on the other. Its mouth was big and curvy, as if someone had hastily tried to draw it on. Mar'i noticed he was staring at it, and, trying to hide how horribly ugly it truly was, put it in a baby carriage.

Mar'i began to go on and on about the flour sack, how it had already earned a degree and was working as a fashion designer, and how he made it into a world records book for the first flour sack on the moon.

"Um, Mar'i? Your sack of flour is-" he began.

"First of all, his name is Schnookums. Second of all, what were you saying? That he was the best, the greatest? That he isn't even worthy of gazing upon your sack of flour? That he-"

"-is being eaten by squirrels?" he offered. She turned around and saw that he was, in fact, being eaten by squirrels. By the time she had pushed them all away, "Schnookums" was completely destroyed and Jake was gone. She sighed, knowing that she really screwed up this time, especially since Victor was also going to get a bad grade for this, too.

_The Next Day_

"Mar'i, where is your sack of flour?" Mr. Convoy asked. She looked at the floor.

"Well, see, he, uh..." she felt ashamed that she had let her jealousy get this far.

"He's right here!" Jake said, rushing into the classroom with a bag of flour. Mar'i's head shot up.

"Jake, why are you so late to class? And why do you have someone else's bag of flour?" Mr. Convoy asked.

"Well, Mar'i and Victor, as well as Lian and I, decided that if we wanted our children to grow up to be happy and healthy, they needed to have a play date! Last night, however, they had a sleepover!" Jake told him.

"Why on Earth is that sack of flour covered in a garbage bag?" Mr. Convoy asked. Jake gasped.

"Are you saying that you thought we shouldn't put clothing on them? That's like, like, child porn or something!" The rest of the class subconsciously looked down at their sacks of "naked" flour.

"Very well, you all receive A's," Mr. Convoy told them. Victor looked over at Mar'i.

"You sure have someone special there," he whispered. She silenced him with a mean look, but it wasn't very convincing seeing the pink on her face.

_After school_

"Here is your flour sack," Jake said, handing the sack to Mar'i.

"Oh, thanks. Why did you...wait a minute, this isn't a sack of flour," She said, feeling the package. She opened it up to see a plastic container filled with flowers. "Oh, I get it!" She said, finding it a little funny and oddly clever to have flowers in the place of flour. She smiled, "These will look great with my collection of wilted flowers!"

"Yes! I'm not the only one who knows that your dad can wilt flowers by simply looking at them!" Jake exclaimed.

"That's ridiculous. Everyone knows that flowers can't wilt by simply looking at them. All of my other flowers are wilted because I've had them for so long," she told him. She smirked, "How would you know whether or not he could wilt flowers?" Jake paled, before crossing his arms and leaning up against a tree.

"What? Wilt flowers? No, that's...that's stupid. Where did you hear that?" he asked.

"Don't play cool, you're not very good at it," she told him, before walking away.

"You know he can! I know you know it! Mar'i, come on! Don't walk away!" he yelled after her.

**X**

**Crap. I had an idea for another one, but I completely lost it. Oh well, this was long enough, I think.**

**Please Review!**

**  
XxNightfirexX**


	9. Of Weddings and Grape Soda Adventures

**Contrary to popular belief, I have not disappeared off of the face of this Earth. I know, hard to believe, right?**

**This took for freakin' ever to write, and, in Seraephina's words, I felt like cutting my ear off with a toothbrush. But it was also fun to write at the same time. o.0 **

**Also, good luck to Wielder of the Pen on his/her first fan fiction! **

**My website is (because you may want it when you get to the wedding part) www. thedramazing. piczo. com**

**I promised waves2622 and Sereaphina that I would write this, so here you go.**

**I couldn't think of a good name for a band, so I used the Goo Goo Dolls.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. Waves2622 and Sereaphina own part of this plot, as well as my friend Brooke. Nor do I own the Goo Goo Dolls or Spam ham. Hope you enjoy!**

**And now, your feature presentation:**

**Everything that could possibly ever go wrong at a wedding!**

**X**

**You May Kiss the Bride...**

**...unless she's already in the emergency room**

It should have been a time of joy and happiness. People had seen this day coming for many, many years, and now the day was but a week away. How happy everyone was, when the news of Jericho and Kole's engagement had arrived. No one expected that the night would be filled with anything but happiness.

"But mom! Why do _I _have to be the ring-bearer? Why can't Victor do it? Better yet, why can't they find someone who actually _knows _them?" Jake protested. Raven put her tape measure down.

"Hmmm...we are going to need a smaller tuxedo for you," she muttered to herself. jake looked up.

"No, really?" he asked, lifting up his arms. The tuxedo he was currently wearing draped over his hands and went down a good couple feet afterwards. She glared at him.

"Jake, you should be honored. A wedding is a miraculous event. Besides, all you have to do is walk in, hold a pillow, wait for them to take the rings, and walk back out. It takes three minutes, at most," she told him. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but I could be doing so many other, more productive things!" he whined.

"Like what?" she mused. At that moment, Mar'i walked out of the dressing room. Her parents were in another part of the store, buying their own wedding attire. Mar'i was trying on her dress, which was absolutely stunning.

"Like..." Jake watched as Mar'i glided into the room. Time seemed to stop completely for him. He was jolted back into reality at the sounds of Mar'i laughing.

"Like drooling?" Raven offered.

"Huh?" He looked down, to find that he had been drooling in his moment of zoning out.

"No, I just...uh...had some bad food this morning, and I was spitting the taste out of my mouth! See? Blah!" He pretended to be gagging in order to cover up for his slip. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"I made the last thing you ate," she informed him. Jake paled. He looked over to Mar'i, who merely rolled her eyes.

"You're getting yourself out of this one," she told him, "I've got to see if daddy approves of this dress or if he wants me in nothing less than a nun outfit." She walked out of the room, leaving Jake trying to cope with his mistake.

"Well," Raven offered, "The way I see it you've got two options. Option one: you admit that you hated my cooking. On the upside, you'll get out of eating my food. Downside is that you'll have to eat what your father cooks."

"Uh...what's option number two?" he asked, afraid.

"Option number two is that you admit you were drooling. You won't have to pretend that you're in love with Mar'i, but you and your father will have 'the talk.'"

Jake paused for a minute to think it over. "See? This only proves that weddings only bring pain!"

The next day...

Victor sat down at the lunch table, waiting for everyone else to arrive. Lian came first, and Mar'i followed her.

"I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait for the wedding!" Mar'i said excitedly.

"Well duh, you're the star of the show, the flower girl!" Lian told her.

"I'm pretty sure that the flower girl isn't more important than the bride and groom," she informed Lian, who only rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.

"Hey, have any of ya'll seen Jake?" Victor asked the two of them. Lian and Victor both shook their heads no.

"Here I am," Jake sounded, carrying a brown bag over to the table. He sat down and pulled out a sandwich.

"So, Jake, are you excited about the wedding?" Mar'i asked. "Lian claims that I'm the star of it." He made a face.

"Are you kidding? I _despise _weddings. And, as if it couldn't get any worse, the day of the wedding is also the day that my favorite band is coming to town! I already bought two tickets **and **twobackstage passes for it," His shoulders slumped dejectedly.

"Sell them on the internet and use the profit to buy tickets and backstage passes for the next time they come to town," Mar'i told him in a matter-of-fact tone.

Jake made a face before biting into his sandwich. Everyone was silent, until...

"Wait a minute!" Victor exclaimed, "You told me that they only had one ticket and one backstage pass and that was why you couldn't take me!"

"Victor, Victor, Victor," Jake shook his head, "I just felt that you weren't old enough to go to that concert."

"We're the same age," Victor pointed out. Jake shrugged.

"I never said that I felt as if I was too young to go," Jake replied. Victor opened and closed hi mouth, not finding the words to come back with.

"Just drop it Victor, he isn't going to tell you what he has done with the other one," Mar'i pointed out. Victor was just about to do what he was told, when an evil smile spread across his face.

"What band was that again?" he asked Jake. He put down his sandwich.

"Don't you remember? I bought the tickets for a Goo Goo Dolls Concert," he replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Victor's smile grew wider.

"I love the Goo Goo Dolls!" Mar'i exclaimed. Victor turned to her, and then to Jake.

"Jake, do you realize that you hate the Goo Goo Dolls?" Jake's eyes narrowed, finally seeing where Victor was going with this. "Now I know who the other ticket was for."

"Oh, how sweet!" Lian exclaimed. The only one not catching on was Mar'i.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked.

"Nothing," Jake said in a monotone voice.

"Wow, man, I knew you had it bad, but being so lovesick that you have to lie to your best friend? What a shame," Victor said, shaking his head.

"I have no idea where you are coming from with this," he stated, but the fact that his face was beet red told another story.

_Five Days until Wedding Day_

"Do you have everything, Mar'i?" her mother called out to her. Mar'i zipped up her suitcase and put her flower girl dress on a hanger.

"Yes, mom!" she called out, picking up her bags and bringing them to the stairs. Her mother was waiting by the door, her own bags in hand. Mar'i got to the staircase and slid down the railing, her dress flowing behind her. When she reached the bottom, she handed her bags and the dress to her father.

She ran outside, making her way to her motorcycle. Just as she was about to hop on, she could feel a presence behind her. She turned to face her father, ho was raising his eyebrow.

"Yes, Daddy?" She asked. He smirked.

"Alright, you know what? I don't want to yell at you, so I'll let you ride your motorcycle to the airport," He said. Mar'i was suspicious.

"And if I do...?" she asked.

"You'll be wearing a sweater over your dress," he told her. Grumbling, she got off of the motorcycle and made her way to the car. She sat down inside, waiting for her mother to arrive. After what seemed like hours, and after listening to her father mumble on about how women always take so much damn time in the bathroom, Kori arrived, throwing her stuff into the trunk.

They dropped by Lian and her father's house, picking Lian up. Roy refused to go to any wedding. He said that they were too planned, and worked out way too flawlessly. Lian sat down next to the window behind Richard.

The car sped off towards the airport, where they met Cyborg and his family, as well as Victor and his family. After checking in, they boarded the plane. There were three seats to a row on either side of the aisle. Kori sat by the window of the plane, pulling Mar'i down next to her in the middle seat. Richard made it a point to sit on the other side of Mar'i, making sure that she didn't slip away and sit with Jake. God forbid she communicate with any boy over the age of three, let alone fall in love with someone before she was married, which wouldn't be until she was at least fifty years old. He didn't want to admit it, but he could tell that Mar'i was falling for Jake. He just had to make sure that it didn't happen.

They arrived at the island of Hawaii not long after. Once they had checked into their hotel, or should I say hotels, (Richard made sure that Jake and Mar'i were in different hotels) they met up with the lovely couple, Kole and Jericho.

"Glad you guys could make it," Kole told them, shaking their hands. Jericho, obviously, said nothing, but shook his head in agreement. After a short conversation the two departed, going off towards an authentic hut that they were staying in until the wedding.

_Three Days later-The Wedding Rehearsal_

Mar'i gracefully glided down the aisle, sprinkling roses of every color-all shades of red, pink, white, and yellow-onto the ground. She was followed by Kole, who was walked down the aisle by Gnaark. Because of him, the entire wedding and reception had to be lit by tiki torches, but no one was complaining. When she reached the end of the aisle, she walk up to Jericho, and faced the priest. The priest started preaching, and when it was time for the rings, Jake walked over to them, seemingly distracted the entire time. By this time he knew he had it bad; Mar'i wasn't even in her dress yet and he was wiping drool off of his face.

The wedding rehearsal went by flawlessly, so they went to eat at a Hawaiian buffet.

"Wow, your dad was right, Lian," Mar'i started, "Weddings _are _flawless. How disappointing."

"Yeah, I was hoping that something interesting would happen, but I guess not," She sighed, a little disappointed. They made sure to speak just a little bit quieter than normal, as to not upset the happy couple.

"Well, at least we get to go, let's look at it that way. Now we know what our weddings will be like," Mar'i pointed out

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Lian shrugged. Mar'i smiled.

"When am I _not _right?" She asked. Lian laughed.

"I wonder who we will marry," Lian sighed dreamily, thinking of all the handsome men who would possibly marry her. Mar'i rolled her eyes.

_The Next Day; Day before the Wedding_

Raven was up early that morning, helping with the decorations. She put up the torches around the alter, and made sure that everything was ready for the next day. She was taking it as a personal responsibility to make sure that this wedding went by without one thing going wrong. Of course no one wanted anything like that to happen, but when you invite about forty superheroes and their children, some of whom had problems mastering their powers, anything was possible. Just as she was arranging a group of flowers on the end of a row of chairs, a familiar voice was heard.

"Raven, long time, no see," Raven turned around to face the white-haired, one-eyed woman smiling at her. Raven couldn't help but smile just a little at seeing her.

"Rose, it's been a while. Are you looking for your brother?" she asked. Rose shook her head no and laughed a bit.

"No, not really. I'm not sure how he would react to seeing me at first. I mean sure, he _did _invite me, but it as still been a while," she commented. Raven shrugged.

"Good, because I don't where he is anyway," she told her. Raven and Rose weren't what you would call best friends, or even friends, really, but they had a mutual understanding. Both had fathers that they weren't necessarily proud of, and each was glad to know that there was someone on this planet whose childhood sucked as much as their own.

"Well, it is a good thing that I wasn't looking for him, then, isn't it?" Rose asked, observing Raven tying a bundle of light and hot pink flowers roses together, "Need any help?" she asked. Raven used her powers to reveal about eighteen gigantic baskets of flowers.

"Would you mind helping?" She asked, seeing Rose's eyes grow wide.

"If it keeps me away from my brother and his questions," Raven raised an eyebrow at this, "You know what I mean. Anyway, I'll help." As the two began to tie flowers together, other were doing things elsewhere. Victor was making sure that the caterers had everything that they needed, Garfield was asleep, Karen was making sure that the reception was being put together, Richard was double checking all of the security, and Kori was...well...we're not really sure what she was doing. Let's have Richard check on her.

As he was looking at all of the cameras by the ceremony site, he noticed his wife was mixing several things together. Knowing that his wife shouldn't be allowed to cook, handle liquids of any kind, or even touch alien substances, he ran over to the hotel and into their room as quickly as possible. When he burst through the door, he saw her adding a purple fizzy liquid into a boil of what looked like mud and peppermint sticks.

"Uh, honey? What are you doing?" He asked nervously, really not wanting to know.

"Well, remember how our flowers at our wedding were big and beautiful?" She asked. He nodded hesitantly.

"Well, I gave them a special fertilizer that made them that big! I remembered how Kole admired them so I whipped this up. Unfortunately, I was missing an ingredient, but I found the earthen equivalent: Grape Soda!" She pointed to a pile of about seventeen empty cans of grape soda. Richard winced.

"Are you sure you should be substituting anything? What if you end up killing all of the flowers?" he asked nervously. She glared at him.

"Would I be doing something like this if I thought it would end up horribly?" She accused. He shook his head no. She smiled. "Good, then let us go down to where the wedding will be held. I'll pour this in while Raven is working on the arrangements. On the way there, they ran into Garfield and Karen, both of whom were also on their way to the same place. By the time they got to the bottom of the elevator, the four kids were just waking up and followed them, too. When they arrived, they greeted Rose and Kori walked over to a plant.

"What are you doing?" Raven asked her suspiciously.

"I'm merely giving these plants some water," She lied. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"No alien fertilizer?" She asked.

"No alien fertilizer," Kori responded.

"No freaky death substance?" She questioned.

"No freaky death substance."

"It's not poisonous, is it?" she asked. Kori shook her head. "Alright, go for it." Kori poured the substance onto every plant. At first, nothing appeared to happen, but Kori knew that was normal for it to wait about twenty four hours. Suddenly, Kole ran into the room in a panic.

"What's wrong?" Karen asked her. Kole took a deep breath.

"The priest ate some bad fish last night; he got the stomach flu! We have no one for tomorrow!" A few people gasped, before Garfield walked over to her.

"Don't worry about it, Kole, I'll take care of everything," he told her. She looked suspicious.

"What do you mean?" she asked him.

"I've been to my wedding, Victor's wedding, and Roy's wedding, well, okay so technically he and Jade aren't exactly married and never had a wedding, but just live together. Where was I? Oh yeah, I have been to so many weddings before, so I can totally be the priest. I mean, hey, I've been to all three of Kori's weddings," He told her. Mar'i looked over at this.

"What do you mean by 'all three,'" She asked. He turned to her.

"You didn't know that Richard is her third husband? I mean, sure, third time's a charm, but still," He told her.

'Who were the other two?" She asked, curious as to who her mother had loved before. As far as she knew, her mother and father have loved each other since day one.

"Gar, you know as well as I that I did not, in fact, marry Glgrdsklechhh. Richard, thankfully, stopped that one and told me that I didn't have to marry him right before I did. Oooh, that would have been awful," She shuddered. Gar shrugged.

"Yeah, well, what about that one guy, what was his name? Prince Karrot? No, that wasn't right. Uh, Prince Kayak? Not quite. Um...oh yeah! Prince Karras! Yeah, what about him?" he asked. Kori's eyes began to glow a bright green.

"Do not, and I repeat, DO. NOT. _EVER _mention his name. Ever," She commanded.

"Who was he?" Mar'i asked.

"He was a pervert and a lying man, who had the blackest heart in the all of the Vegan System, not just on Tamaran. I have never wished death upon any soul, but the day he died I was the happiest person alive!" She told her. Mar'i stepped back a few feet in fear.

"Yeah," Gar started, "When we heard that she had been captured and was forced to marry him, we flew straight to Tamaran. We were supposed to find Robin, who had been captured, but as always we knew that he would come riding in on a white stallion, stopping the wedding and whisking Starfire away. Only thing was, well, he didn't. None of us tried to stop the wedding because we thought he would want the honors."

"And what a _terrible excuse _that was, and still is," Kori commented.

Gar continued, "When he didn't show up, we thought something terrible happened, so the three of us returned home to find him sitting on the couch watching football! He asked us where we had been, and we had to replace every single window in Titan's Tower because Raven exploded in anger at his stupidity," he told her. Mar'i looked over at her father who was currently rolling his eyes and making faces.

"Yeah, so the first thing we did was put him on the ship and tell him what happened and we were there within the next thirty seconds. It took for freakin' ever to convince the guards outside the palace to let us in, and then we had to find Karras and Kori. Hey, Karras and Kori both start with a 'K!'" he exclaimed. Raven rolled her eyes and finished the story for him.

"So anyway, Kori was being kept in a dungeon-like cell underground, and was pretty beat up by the looks of it. Richard went crazy and killed Karras-" Richard cut her off.

"I didn't kill him all the way! I only mildly killed him. Someone else finished him off."

"-and we took Kori home. Richard was basically spoon feeding her and pampering her and he even went so far as to turn the pages of a book while she was reading for her," Raven told Mar'i.

"Ooh, this is my favorite part!" Gar exclaimed. Raven looked over at him, then back to Mar'i.

"Yeah, anyway, two weeks after the entire incident, Kori comes into the Opps Center. I was reading, Gar was playing video games, and Victor was making pancakes. So, she comes in and says 'Guys, I have an announcement to make.' So we all walked over to her and waited for her to talk. Then, she said, 'Well, it would seem as if I am...um...pregnant.' So the first thing we did was start cursing out Karras. We knew he was a pervert but we never thought he would go as far as that. But then, here is the best part, she says, 'Well, you see, Karras isn't exactly the father.' So we asked her who the father was, and, as if on cue, Richard just strolls into the main room and the first thing he said was, 'Ooh, pancakes! I love pancakes!'" Raven rolled her eyes at the stupidity, while both Victor and gar began to crack up in the back. Her father was mumbling something vulgar under his breath, his glare directed at the two laughing men.

"So, does this mean you'll do it, Gar?" Kole asked. He immediately stopped laughing.

"Of course I will! And, best of all, I'll do it for free!" he exclaimed as he picked up a book, "I don't have anything else to do today, so I'll just practice my lines for tomorrow." He left with the book, flipping through the pages.

"Great," Kole said happily, "I'll go tell Joseph! He'll be so happy!" With that, she left.

"We're doomed," Raven stated in a monotone voice. Richard, who was finally done throwing his fit, looked over at her.

"Why?" he asked.

"Did you see the name of that book?" She asked him. He shook his head no. "It was called 'Green Eggs and Ham.' And I seriously doubt he'll figure it out." Richard winced.

"Oh yeah, we're doomed."

Raven looked over at her son, "Jake, I have to go get some more string for these flowers. Please don't be late for the wedding tomorrow."

"Relax mom, I won't be," He reassured her.

_Wedding Day_

By now, the flowers were big and beautiful. The fertilizer worked out very well. At least something was better than it was supposed to be. Joseph walked up to the alter, where Beast Boy was standing in the priest's spot. The best man was Richard, who so kindly didn't kill Jericho when he found out about his father. The other groomsmen were Victor and Garth, as well as Herald, who would shoot dirty looks at Victor several times per minute. (A/N: You could wait to find out why, or go to my website before the week is over and read the spoiler.)

The maid of honor was Kori, and the bridesmaids consisted of Raven, Argent, and Karen, who would shoot dirty looks at Herald several times per minute. Finally, Mar'i stepped through the glass doors in her beautiful, white, sleeveless dress and long, elbow length gloves. The top layer of her hair was pulled up to the top of her head, forming a small loop. The bottom layer of her hair was down in curls, and, had he actually been there on time, probably would have made Jake faint.

She glided down the aisle once more, gracefully dropping the petals down as she went. When she reached the end of the aisle, she retreated to the back of the room. Her father had made it clear that morning that she was too watch the entire thing from the back so no one would see her in such a revealing dress, which, in all reality, wasn't that revealing. If she didn't, then she would be sporting an ugly plaid sweater.

Following Mar'i was the bride and Gnaark. Kole looked beautiful as well, and was actually tearing up in happiness when she saw Joseph. Raven was extremely happy; everything was going perfectly.

But that was just about the end of the perfection.

As soon as Kole got up to Joseph, every single flower in the room wilted. Every last one. At first, all of the occupants of the room looked over at Garfield, but he shook his head.

"It wasn't me! I swear!" He pleaded. Raven turned to Kori.

"So, no poisonous alien substances?" She asked. Kori smiled meekly.

"Well, maybe I shouldn't have used so much grape soda..." Raven groaned, signaling for everybody to pretend that it never happened. Everything once again, went well, until Garfield picked up the book.

"Oh, God," Raven mumbled to herself, "He really hasn't figured it out yet."

Garfield looked up at the guests. "We are all here at this very moment to watch as Joseph William Wilson and Kole Weathers get hitched. Alright, so, let's see what we have in this book." It would have been bad had he read 'Green Eggs and Ham' normally. The fact that he was reading it upside down, however, was another story.

"Alright, this doesn't look too hard," he said, reading the book, "Alright, so, if your name is Sam, and you have a strange fascination with moldy foods, then you will be extremely annoying and bother people. However, it seems like you're life will be better if you meet someone instead whose name is Sam. Man, I wish I had a friend named Sam who carried moldy food around in his pocket. My life would be so much cooler. Anyway, I guess what I'm supposed to say is: Joseph: Will you love Kole for all of eternity, even if there is a mouse, a fox, a goat, and a strange man named Sam following you around? And will you love Kole even if you are really poor and have to live in a house with Sam, a box, a car, a train, boat, the dark, or even in the rain?" he asked Joseph. He looked around the room, trying to see if anyone knew what was going on. Seeing as everyone was just as confused as he, he looked back at Gar and shook his head yes.

"Alright then, Kole, will you love Joseph here or there?" Gar asked her.

"What?" She questioned, confused.

"Wait a minute...make up you mind, you stupid book! Does she have to love him here or there? Or is it here and there? Where is there anyway?" he asked, squinting at the book as if trying to read something that was very small. "Oh well, it probably wasn't all that important, anyway. Have any of you noticed that this book sounds a lot like 'The Cat and The Hat?' Maybe it's just me. So, uh...I guess we get the rings now. Hey, where's Jake?"

_Jake_

"Ugh, what time is it?" he asked, just waking up. He had been up all night with Victor, who was sharing a room with him. See, Victor had caught Jake scribbling hearts and things like 'Jake & Mar'i' on a piece of paper, and wouldn't let him get any sleep after that, for he had been mocking him the whole night. Jake reached for the alarm clock, and picked it up, only to discover that it was 1:00 PM.

"Oh, good, it's only-Wait a minute! I was supposed to be there a half an hour ago!" He quickly jumped out of bed and threw on his tuxedo. He was about to run out of the room when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Instead of being the incredibly handsome person he was used to being, he saw a guy who really needed to take a shower and had a horrible case of bed-head.

He was able to fix his hair quickly, but he still smelled awful. He had forgotten his cologne at home, (By 'forgotten' I, as the author, mean that the second Mar'i expressed her hatred for the particular smell it had gone flying out of the window and onto the neighbor's dog.) and his father's smelled like zoo animal. That brought up several questions, but he didn't ask any of them. Victor didn't use cologne, actually, neither Victor did, and he wouldn't dare touch anything of Mr. Grayson's. In fact, there was only one person who had something he could use.

_About three seconds later_

"Alright, Jake, just calm down. I'm already in Mar'i's room. All I have to do is find her perfume and spray it on myself. No one will know. I'll be absolutely fine," His communicator rang, but he chose to ignore it. He decided to let the answering message pick it up.

"_Jacob Mark Logan! If you do not get here at this exact moment, you will be grounded for so long that you will be home schooled so that you never need to see the light of day AGAIN!" _his mother's voice rang over the communicator. He shuddered at the thought of that and quickly found the perfume. After spraying himself with the peaches and cream perfume, he decided that he loved the smell. Maybe he would go home and buy some of it to spray his room with everyday so it smelled liked her. He was just about to teleport over to the wedding, when he noticed it. There it was, in full view.

Why would she leave _that _there for him to see? Then again, it's not like she knew that he broke into her room and stole her perfume, but why on Earth did he have to see her bra just lying right there just as he was about to leave? This would surely delay him about seven seconds. After getting angry at his arm for reaching out towards it, he was finally able to leave. Unfortunately, he teleported himself right outside of the glass doors. Being in too much of a hurry to read what the door said, he tried to open it by pulling on it.

Nothing. He tried again. Still nothing. No matter what he did, the stupid door wouldn't pull open. Of course, everyone in the room on the other side was getting a kick out of seeing him try to open the door, and it wasn't until Mar'i had pulled it open did he realize that he was pulling on a push door. But instead of having his humiliation be his only punishment, he had only a second to figure out what Mar'i was doing with her hand when...

SMACK!

"You idiot," She whispered to him, "You said you wouldn't be late. Can't you read?" He rubbed his face, where he now had a red imprint of a hand. She handed him the pillow with the two rings on it, and he walked down the aisle, noting that he had only taken 29 seconds.

When he reached the bride and groom, both of whom were glad that he actually showed up, Joseph reached for the ring and picked it up, along with the pillow itself. He frowned and tried to pull the ring off again, but it seemed to be stuck to it.

"Why won't it come off?" Kole asked. Jake smiled smugly, which actually hurt due to his facial injury.

"Well, I didn't want to lose it, so I super-glued it on," Everyone groaned, but Joseph was determined. He pulled and pulled and pulled until-

"Where did it go?" Garfield asked, after seeing the ring do flying into the air.

Kole looked down, "It went down my dress!" she squeaked. Everyone had a terrified look on their face, with the exception of Garfield, who only smiled.

"Well, you're the almost-husband, Joseph, so why don't you reach down there and get it out," Obviously, that was not an option, for his facial expression told the world that it was not something he wanted to be doing right then and there.

Richard, thankfully, had stepped in there and told Raven to teleport Kole back to her hotel so she could take it out while they tried in vain to get the other ring off of the pillow. Jake was sentenced to the back of the wedding by his mother, which made Richard hate her even more. Now his daughter in her "revealing" dress and the "crazy kid," as he always described Jake, were sitting next to each other, way back there where no one could see what they were doing.

Once Kole finally returned, the horrific ceremony began once more. Way back behind all of the tortured guests, who were probably making a mental list of all the possible things they could be doing right then instead, a conversation was taking place.

"Hey, Mar'i?" Jake whispered. She leaned over.

"What?" She whispered back.

"How come we look like miniature versions of the bride and groom?" he asked. She turned to face him.

"Because even though it is not always done like this, the flower girl and the ring bearer are supposed to be mini versions of the bride and groom. I guess so they can look like a couple, or something," Well, for at least the next 27 seconds that kept him quiet.

"Wait...are we a couple then?" he asked. Mar'i turned red.

"NO! Of course not!" She whispered quietly back to him.

"Why is your face red?" he asked. She knew she had to change the subject quickly, but nothing seemed to come to mind.

"Um...it's because of an allergy. Yeah, I'm, uh, allergic to your cologne," She told him. That had always worked in the past.

"What? But this is your perfume, not my cologne," He said, before realizing his mistake.

"What do you mean by 'my perfume'?" She asked.

"What are you talking about, I didn't say anything about your perfume," He replied hastily.

"Then what _did _you say?" She inquired.

He thought about it for a moment, before responding, "Hey, Mar'i? What rhymes with perfume?" he asked her. That probably wasn't the smartest move ever.

"What?" She asked, a strange look on her face, "You stole my perfume, didn't you? I mean, sure the peaches and cream scent is amazing, but...wait a minute...you woke up about fifteen minutes ago, right?" She asked. He nodded, "That means you broke into my room!" She glared at him.

"I didn't touch anything! Well, except for the perfume, but still!" He claimed. She looked as if she was about to strike, but thankfully for him refrained from doing so.

"Hmmm..." Gar, at the front of the room, started, "I think that there was something that I was supposed to say at the beginning of the wedding before the rings and the preaching. What was it? Oh yeah!"

"Hey, Mar'i?" Jake whispered.

"Does anyone here-"

"What do you want Jake?"

"-For any reason at all-"

"I was just wondering if-"

"- Think that this lovely couple-"

"-By any chance-"

"-Should not in fact-"

"-I was annoying you?"

"-Be together forever?"

"YES!" Mar'i screamed at Jake. The room was filled with gasps, and suddenly she was aware of the wedding that was going on. She turned to look at everyone else; the bride, the groom, and the horrified faces of her parents.

"Uh, oops, sorry. I...I didn't mean that. Heh, heh, heh..." She laughed meekly, "Continue," She squeaked, sitting down. Just as they were about to resume, Jake spoke up.

"Mom! She's being mean to me!" He yelled. Raven sighed' obviously she had failed at yet another wedding. Roy would have loved to be there. She gave everyone a look of _"Just carry on, I'll deal with it" _and sank into the floor, reappearing at the back of the room.

"Do you think that I honestly should need to come yell at two teenagers during a wedding?" She asked trough gritted teeth. By this point both Jake and Mar'i were holding onto each other in fear, shaking uncontrollably.

"Uh, no ma'am," Mar'i told her. Jake silently agreed.

"Good, then stop making distractions this instant!" She was about to leave when she noticed the two holding onto each other. "Oh, and Mar'i?"

"Yes?" she asked.

"Your father has been trying to develop better vision ever since I sent Jake back here with you, and even though it is impossible, God knows he'll find a way, so I'd sit as far away from each other as possible," She told them. They let go of each other, suddenly realizing that they were supposed to be fighting. Just as Raven was about to leave, Mar'i asked her a question.

"How do you know that?" She asked. Raven pointed to Richard.

"Because he looks like an idiot trying to do it," She was right; he looked as if he was trying to make one eye bigger than the other.

"How did I miss that?" Mar'i wondered aloud. By this time, Raven was back at the front. However, the second she got there, another distraction was provided. At that very moment, Kori promptly fainted.

"Oh my!" Kole said, bending down to help her up.

"No," Raven said sternly to Kole, "I'll take care of her. I'll get her to the nearest hospital. Richard, stay here and make sure that these two are actually married when I get back, got it? I'll meet you at the reception." She teleported away, and the wedding resumed.

"Alright, since that is over," Gar began, "let's continue. So, I guess we get to the 'I do's' now." Everyone looked thankful that the pain was almost over. They were _so_ wrong. "Okay, so, Joseph, or should I say Jericho? Or how about J-man? Anyway, do you take the lovely Kole Weathers to be you wife for ever more?" He asked. Joseph nodded. "Well, are you going to say I do or not?" he asked. Joseph looked confused, and shook his head.

"Wait, so you don't take her to be your wife?" He asked. Joseph rolled his eyes and pointed to his neck. "Neck? That's not an answer." By this time, Richard had gone through this long enough. He pushed Gar out of the way.

"Alright, Joseph, do you take Kole to be you wife, to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, for better or worse?" He asked. Joseph nodded once more. "Cool. Okay, Kole, same to you. Do you take Joseph to be your husband, to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, for better or for worse?'

"I do," she told him.

'Then with the power invested in me I now pronounce you man and wife! Kiss the bride1" He commanded. Joseph did as he was told, and cheers were heard throughout the guests; more of them were about the wedding being finally over than congratulations, but they made do.

At long last the wedding was over, but the reception was still to come...

_The Reception_

About an hour after the wedding, everyone was gathered at the reception, where there would be free food and music, but most importantly, no Gar and no ceremony.

But they soon realized that they would not get any peace here, either. How did they come to this conclusion? Well, it started with Garth complaining about the seafood appetizers, and was followed by the bride and groom's first dance.

See, guess who the performer that they hired was? Yeah. Apparently the priest did multiple jobs. And since it was the priest who was supposed to be up there, Gar took it upon himself to be the musical entertainment.

"Don't worry guys, I can play the guitar! I've been playing since I was a kid!" reluctantly, they agreed to let him play the bride and groom's first dance.

Oh, he played guitar, he didn't lie about that. However, it would have been nice to tell someone that he only played _air guitar. _Finally someone had to pull him off of the stage.

"Well," he said, "I have this song burned onto this CD that I love and I always have with me, but it's not exactly a good choice for a first song..." he told them, pulling out a CD.

"Is it heavy metal?" Kole asked. He shook his head. "Well, it's good enough then. Put it in." The music began to play and the bride and groom began to dance.

_Space travel by Yellowcard_

_I heard a voice last night  
It said wake up and open your eyes  
Wake up, walk out tonight  
Cause she don't care if you're dead or alive_

At this point, Gar had pushed Jake and Mar'i out there, too, saying that since they were supposed to be a mini version of the bride and groom that they should be dancing. Since they were technically still fighting, they had hoped that Kole or Joseph would disagree, but they thought it was a wonderful idea.

_She moves like beams of light  
Straight through this universe in my head  
Where I get peace of mind  
I'm free from the stupid things that I said  
She's all in my head_

_Did I get lost while I was gone?  
I traveled space for much too long  
But there's a planet that I have found  
And you are far away for now_

_Somewhere behind her eyes  
Some supernatural energy takes me for quite the ride  
Across time where I defy gravity  
All this energy_

_Did I get lost while I was gone?  
I traveled space for much too long  
But there's a planet I have found  
And you are far away for now_

_What do we do now  
We wait  
For what  
For her to come back  
I don't think she's coming back  
So  
I'm sick of waiting_

_Did I get lost while I was gone?  
I traveled space for much too..._

_Did I get lost while I was gone?  
I traveled space for much too long  
But there's a planet I have found  
And you are far away (far away)  
You are far away  
You are far away for now_

As the song ended, Victor looked over at Gar. "You have a girly taste in music, you know that right?" He asked. Gar nodded. "Good, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware.

After the first dance was done, they had to repeat the same song over and over and over again in order to have music, so by the end of the night not even Gar wanted to hear it again. Anyway, About an hour after the first dance, Joseph was listening to a conversation his friends were having, when he heard a different, more familiar, voice from behind.

"Joseph, so good to see you again!" Joseph froze, slowly turning around to meet his father's face. He gave the man a dirty look. "What? You thought that I wouldn't show up to my only son's wedding? I can't believe you! Say, where is the bride?" he asked. Gar, who was sitting next to Victor, (Who was feeling pretty uncomfortable about Herald staring at the back of his head) looked up.

"Uh-oh," he said. Victor looked over.

"What?" he asked.

'It's more like 'where is Richard?'" Before they could say anything more, Richard, in his Nightwing uniform, jumped down from the rafters screaming. He accidentally knocked down several tiki torches.

"Ayayayayay!" he wailed, crashing down on top of Slade. At that moment, Raven and Kori returned, seeing a few of the tables engulfed in flame and Richard attacking some random man who wasn't at the ceremony.

"EVERYBODY QUIET!" Raven screamed. The entire reception stopped; even the flames stopped burning in fear.

"Richard! Get off of that poor, innocent man!" Kori screamed. Richard stopped trying to kill Slade.

"Innocent?! _Innocent?! _He's not innocent, Kori!" He told her. She frowned and helped the man up.

"What did this man ever do to you?" She questioned. Richard gaped.

"What are you talking about? This is Slade, the guy who tried to kill us and conquer the city several times! He's even in uniform!" Sure enough, Slade was in his black and orange suit, taking notes.

"Alright, so, Nightwing's real name is Richard, and Starfire's real name is Kori..." he mumbled to himself.

"Look at him! He's even writing down our secret identities! He's pure evil!" He turned to Raven, "Raven, what medications is she on?"

"None," She replied with a smirk, "But guess what the doctor told me to tell you to tell Kori?" She asked. Mar'i and Jake, who were just finally getting over their feud, looked over from the punch bowl, where they were standing. Lian and Victor (Jr.) also walked over, happy that Jake and Mar'i weren't ready to tear each other's limbs off.

"What did he say?" he asked, still holding a stick that he was going to hit Slade with.

"Guess who is, once again unexpectedly, a father-to-be?" She asked. Several cheers were heard from around the room. At the exact time Richard dropped the stick, Mar'i spit her punch out.

"Excuse me?!" They both cried.

"Aw man, and I was just getting used to pancakes again..." Richard whined. Mar'i stomped over.

"No, you can't have another kid. I'm fifteen. That would _never _work! I want to be an only child!" She cried. Richard just sat on the floor mumbling about his dang pancakes. Slade eventually left, seeing as Kori was jumping-er, flying-for joy and creeping everyone out.

"Hey, where are the newlyweds?" Gar asked.

"If they have any sense in them," Karen began, "Somewhere far, far away."

_Somewhere Far, Far Away_

"Man, I'm glad to get away from all of that craziness. I can never look at any of them the same way again!" Kole told Joseph. He nodded. He was about to sign something to her when a short man walked over to them.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but my name is Sam and I work for the Spam ham company. I just wanted to know if you wanted to try some free samples," he told them. Both Kole and Joseph screamed. Alright, so only Kole screamed, but Joseph would have had he the ability to.

"Hmmm," Sam said to himself, "Normally the people _try_ the ham before running away and screaming.

_About Four Days later in Jump City_

"So, how was the wedding? Did it prove to you that they are always flawless?" Roy asked as Richard returned Lian to her home. Everyone looked at each other.

"We'd tell you, but you'd never believe it," he said, before driving off.

"What do you mean by that?"

**X**

**Wow. It's really sad when your drabble is 7,822 words long. O.0**

**How did you like it? Please Review!**

**BTW, these specials won't happen very often.**

**XxNightfirexX**

**I, personally, think that gar would be a great priest had he had the right book. I want either him or Richard to preach at my wedding...**

**...Then again, Richard will already be there because I'll be marrying him! : )**


	10. Of Ponies, Mailboxes, and Daisies

Reviews have been slow lately

**Reviews have been slow lately...does no one like "The genie whose name was Carl?" I thought it was pretty funny...**

**In other news, Skylar-A-Teloiv finally finished "This Star Made My Wish Come True." Finally. After all of that waiting. **

**And, good news! Now that I've been diagnosed as having extrinsic asthma, which is the type that only occurs when my allergies act up, I have to stay inside for allergy season. (Not that I didn't try to avoid sunlight, anyway)**

**Which means, fortunately, that I will have about 20 percent more time to write than previously. Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans!**

**X**

**Stamps**

"I'm not sure. It's so hard to decide! What do you think, Lian?" Mar'i clung to her phone, waiting desperately for Lian's response.

"Can you take a picture of them for me? Send it over right away!" She cried. Mar'i hurriedly took a picture of the objects, sending them to Lian as fast as she possibly could.

"It's going to be all right, Mar'i," Lian started, "I'll help you pick the right one. You can count on me!" Mar'i sighed in relief.

Jake groaned. "All you're doing is buying _stamps._ I don't see the issue here. Besides, there are people waiting!" He motioned to the ever-growing line forming behind them. Mar'i tossed a glare back at him.

"Why am I even here?" Victor said sarcastically, "Oh yeah! That's right! Someone had agreed to go _stamp _shopping with Mar'i 'cause he _loves _her and dragged me along!" he accused. Whatever frantic conversation Mar'i and Lian had been having ceased. Mar'i turned around swiftly.

"What was that?" she asked the two of them. Victor, being smart enough to understand that an Azarathian who can turn into several extinct, very dangerous, animals was not someone to mess with, lied.

"I said I liked the stamps with the pink ponies on them. They're...nice." Not only had Jake and Mar'i heard that, but so had Lian, who was still waiting on the other line of Mar'i's cellphone. And if she could hear it, then that meant that so could everybody else standing behind them.

Never again would Victor journey back to the post office. Never.

**Blue**

In his life, Jake had seen very many things that could be classified as being the color blue. For instance, the sky was blue. Well, if you don't count the sunset, which, as Lian had ever-so-bluntly put it before, wasn't something that should be admired.

Other things were blue, too. Like the mailbox that randomly sat in the middle of that parking lot for people who didn't feel like going all of the way to the post office. Then, there was that blue ball that the annoying kid who lived down the street threw at him every time he passed by his house.

The ocean was blue, and so was the pen that had graded his last math test, which had once again not been something he was proud of.

People, such as Victor or Lian, would often joke about how blue must be his favorite color, seeing as he was always mesmerized by Mar'i's eyes. But, in reality, he was deathly afraid of blue. Blue terrified him. Especially large amounts of blue; they were the worst.

Because, whenever he saw blue, it reminded him of what would happen had he ever messed with Mar'i again.

Curse the day that he found out how badly those blue starbolts hurt.

**Princess**

It really had started out as a childish nickname, meaning absolutely nothing more than a girl she was pretending to be. She had loved to dress up in pretty robes and pointed hats, pretending to be held captive by an evil dragon, which was always played by Victor. (He could make the best dragon noises) Mar'i had been the princess, and of course, as every fairy tale needed, there was always a knight in shining armor to save her.

Well, Jake had actually been wearing a grey sweatshirt and pants, but that didn't stop him from being her prince in all of the homemade films they had when they were young. She hadn't thought of it as any more than a game back then. When he called her princess, it was because she had told him that he could either play with her or get tossed out of a two story window, his choice. But sometimes, it almost seemed as if he meant something when he said it.

She had never told Lian about it, because not only was that before she moved to town, but she liked to think that it was her secret, guarded from prying eyes. She looked out of her window, hoping to see her knight in dull sweatpants again, as when they were seven, but the only man out tonight was her father, down on his hands and knees and mumbling something about weeds trying to kill his daisies.

She wished that she could hear him call her princess again.

**X**

**What did you think? I know it's taken me a while to post, but I hoped you liked this one!**

**XxNightfirexX**

**Please Review!**


	11. Of Suicide and Traveling salesmen

My new favorite hobby: Procrastination

**My new favorite hobby: Procrastination. Can I say anything more? **

**Disclaimer: I do no town Teen Titans. Also, "Suicidal" wasn't exactly originally my idea. It was sort of a spin off of Harry Potter Fan 1994. So...yeah...**

**X**

**Suicidal**

"Hehehe..." he had an evil grin on his face, showing that he was up to no good. It would normally be quite frightening, but to the members of the house, it was somewhat expected at that point. However, ever since earlier that morning when Richard had first walked in the door, he had worn this devastatingly evil look. He had sat down at the dining room table and sat there laughing to himself ever since.

Kori and Mar'i looked at each other, as if to plead the other to see what he was up to.

"Mar'i," Kori whispered, "I think you should see what your father is up to."

"Why me? I'm not his wife. Why don't you go see?" Mar'i responded quietly.

"Well, I cook and clean, and you don't. This is the payment."

"You gave me food poisoning."

"..." Kori looked around the room desperately. "Yeah, well...I'm pregnant, so I can't ask him."

"I can't have a boyfriend until I'm married." Kori admitted defeat, and slowly approached her husband.

"So...what, may I ask, are you doing?" she asked timidly.

"It's Bruce's birthday next week. He's turning 55, so I bought him this birthday card pretending that I thought it said '55' instead of '5.' It'll be great!" Kori looked at the card.

"Happy birthday to the cute little 5 year old princess," she read. Richard exploded with laughter. He grabbed the card, put it in an envelope, and ran to the post office. Mar'i, who had come out of hiding at this point, walked up to her mother.

"Is daddy suicidal or something?" She asked.

"That appears to be the case."

_A few weeks later_

"Happy Birthday Daddy!" Mar'i smiled. Richard began to eat some of Victor's patented "7-layer" cake.

"How has your birthday been?" Kori asked him.

"It's been great!' He responded. Mar'i walked up to him with a card.

"This came in the mail for you. It's from Grandpa." He began to open the card.

"Happy Birthday to my 2 year old daughter," he read aloud. His face deadpanned as the room erupted with hysteria.

"Augh! Well...I'm still better at golf!" he yelled to no one in particular. Mar'i came up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You just keep telling yourself that, okay?"

**Traveling Salesman**

It was Friday, at about seven o'clock. I was washing dishes, but I was more focused on the door. Any moment now...

DING-DONG!

Right on schedule. I dried my hands and put the washcloth back in the sink. As was my after-dinner Friday night routine, I slowly walked over to the door, making the person on the other side even more nervous than they previously were. Making sure my secret weapon was right next to me, I calmly opened the door.

There he was, staring at me with the same amethyst, terror filled eyes. It was as if he froze up the moment he saw me, which was actually quite funny. See, when he did that, he became unaware of my reaching down to grab the weed killer, which convienently killed the flowers he would always bring, and holding it up right in front of him.

I sprayed the flowers and quickly tossed the container to my right. He was still in that trance of his. By the time he had finally snapped out of it, I put on my best flower wilting glare and had to stifle my laughter when he noticed that flowers. His eyes darted back and forth between the flowers and I. Finally, in a desperate attempt to flee...

"So, I...uh...brought these flowers for...your wife...but they...uh...wilted...so...yeah," he shoved them at me, turned into a rabbit, and hopped away as fast as he could. I closed the door when I heard Mar'i coming down the stairs.

"Who was that, Daddy?" she asked. I threw the flowers in the trash and gave her the same answer she always got. "Traveling salesman." Fridays were always fun.

The day that that boy figures out that I can't _really _wilt flowers just be simply looking at them will perhaps be the saddest day of my life.

**X**

**In case you didn't catch on, the last one was told from Richard's point of view. Well, I have a chorus concert to go to, so I can't way much...**

**REVIEW!**

**XxNightfirexX**


	12. Of Very Much Pain

**So....uninspired........eck....**

"**Pain" actually did happen. I was trick or treating with my friends and this happened to a guy named James. I laughed. Well, okay, so we weren't taking little kids trick or treating, but the branch did happen.**

**Also, the branch was in Sereaphina's yard.....yep! We went to her house.....**

**YOU CAN ALL THANK SEREAPHINA for this update. She is going to the zoo with me tomorrow, where we will be going back into the actual barns and feeding giraffes. (And possibly elephants) I felt that if I did not update prior to this event, then she would hate me forever.....Jk! **

**So, more on how our day went later, okay?**

**HALLOWEEN THEMED! And only 14 days late.......**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

**X**

**Pain**

"I wanted the Twix," her eyes grew larger by the second, and tears threatened to fall down the six year old's face. She held a little orange pumpkin filled with sweet, sugary candy in her hands. She was wearing a fairy princess outfit, complete with wings and "pixie dust" sprinkled all up and down her arms. She sniffled a bit, as if her life was going to end if he did not trade candy with her. Jake sighed.

"Alright, fine," he gave in, handing her the candy. Her eyes lit up. She tossed the candy carelessly at him, and skipped merrily back towards the street.

"Aww....." Mar'i cooed, "Isn't that sweet? He can't say no to his trick-or-treat buddy!" Jake rolled his eyes.

"I can think of someone else who he can't say no to," Lian whispered to Victor. The two, and their trick-or-treat buddies were already up at the street.

"And why again are we taking six year olds trick or treating?" he asked once more.

"Because," she replied, "My dad says it helps the community. These children would not have been able to go had we not stepped in."

"That's just _it!_" With your dad, _everyday_ is community service day! It always is, and always will be!"

Now, this particular driveway led up a small hill, and along the way, a few branches stuck out in awkward positions. They were normally very easy to maneuver, but since it was so dark, and there was a Halloween party just down the street that was so noisy and distracting that no one could hear themselves think, an accident was bound to happen. It was just a matter of _when_ and to _whom. _

"Well, that's too bad. I mean....Jake?" Mar'i turned around, only to see Jake doubled over on the ground.

"What happened?" She asked him. Lian and Victor, who had seen the whole thing, began to crack up.

"That branch...attacked me…..came out of nowhere......" he sounded as if he were out of breath.

"A branch attacked you? It couldn't have been that bad. Where did it "attack" you.....oh....."

"Stupid women.....never felt pain like this before......"

**X **

**And that's about it for now. If I think of another one, I put it up, kay?**

**Reviews are graciously appreciated.**

**OH! THAT REMINDS ME! REVIEWER #100 GETS A SUPER, ULTRA SPECIAL SURPRISE LIKE NONE OTHER.......well, not really, but you still get a prize!**

**And, I want to thank my anonymous reviewer, who gave me my first ever anonymous review!**

**Whoo!**

**~XxNightfirexX**


	13. Of Pencils, bets, and perfected plans

**Hey Everyone!**

**You guys have probably been thinking this- "Where the hell is she?"**

**Well, long story short, I've had 40 days of stuff to do, and only 39 days to do them…..hmmm….I came up with a cool saying…..**

**Anyway, the long story is that I had finals to study for, and things at school have been getting harder. And when winter break finally rolled around, and I thought for sure that I would have hours upon hours of free time to update….that is, until, I got a new laptop for Christmas. I had to-and still have to finish for that matter-covert all of my files from one computer to another.**

**Only thing is, my old computer had Microsoft 2003 on it….and this one has Microsoft 2007. It's been quite difficult and time consuming.**

**Well, I finished my homework early today, so I suppose I'll treat you to another update! (Plus, see bottom author's note! PLEASE!)**

**X**

**Pencil**

_Scratchscratchscratch._

_Scratch…scratch….scratch…._

_Scratch..scratch..sctchhhh_

Mar'i looked up from her worksheet. Where was that last scratch? Where had it gone?

She looked down at her pencil in horror. If there was one thing that she couldn't stand, it was a pencil that wasn't sharp enough to stab someone's eye out with one hit. When class had started, the pencil beamed with its razor sharp point…but now….now! She couldn't even stand to look at it. It was gross. It had betrayed her. It was _dull._

This pencil would pay.

**-to be continued-**

**THE GREATEST THING to happen to Jake's life **

Her parents were some of the richest people on-and off-of the planet. Her grandfather was incredibly successful, was the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, and could solve the most difficult crime cases known to man, although that was not a widely known fact, of course.

At fifteen, she'd had a savings account that rivaled the life savings of the average Joe, and was even promised the position of CEO once her father and grandfather had retired.

So it was understandable that she didn't understand why she was forced to go job hunting.

"Make your own money," She mocked, "Go do something useful with your life." She rolled her eyes.

"Hey, it isn't so bad. Just find a job that you can keep for two more years, then quit once you get access to your money," Lian tried to reassure her, but to no avail.

"I can't believe my mom wants me to get a _job_ of all things!" she groaned, "She used to cry because her baby girl was in preschool and was too old to stay with her! What happened?"

"Duh," Victor replied, "You're mom got pregnant. That's what happened."

"err…damn kid….I didn't even want a younger sibling. I'm perfectly fine being an only child!" She pouted.

"Wow," Jake replied, a little stunned, "I can't believe that you really hate the idea of having a little sibling that much. I think, after a while, you'll get used to the idea of one."

"Oh, so now you're on the kid's side, too?" Mar'i accused.

"Well….."

_Flashback_

"_Hey Jake? Guess what?" Victor had asked, "Do you know what will happen if Mar'i gets a little sibling?"_

"_No…what?"_

"_Mr. and Mrs. Grayson will be hovering over the baby all the time. So you know what that means?"_

"_They'll get to argue over who changed the last diaper?_

"_No! If Mr. G hovers over the baby, which daughter will he not watch obsessively?"_

"It's not that I'm on the kid's side, it's just that I have plans that can only be done in cooperation with infants."

**The bet**

"Boy."

"Girl.  
"Boy."

"Girl."

"I say it will be a boy."

"And I have reason to believe that it will be a girl."

"And why is that?"

"Because I said so."

"I'll bet you 400 dollars that it is a boy."

"Fine. I'll put 400 dollars on a girl."

"It's a bet, then."

"Good. Because I go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday, and I'll know the gender by then."

"Fine, then you should probably get that 400 dollars ready, because I'm not going to lose."

_Tuesday_

"Hey Richard?"

"Yes Kori?"

"You owe me 400 dollars."

**X**

**I just wanted everyone to know that the thing with the pencil is 100 percent me. I cannot, absolutely cannot, stand to write with a dull pencil. It has to be at the peak of its sharpness if it even hopes to live up to my standards! Phi-phi can tell you all sort of stories about my sharp pencil obsession!**

**Remember when I asked if you would please read this AN? Well, because I need to do some advertising. Recently, I discovered anime. And, at this point in my life, if anime were a religion, I'd be in heaven. So please check out these awesome series!**

**-Fruits Basket**

**-Ouran High School Host Club**

**-Inuyasha**

**The first and third can be found in English DUB not SUB on justdubs .net**

**The middle one, Host Club, can be found in English DUB not SUB on aol videos.**

**AS ALWAYS, PLEASE REVIEW! IT MOTIVATES ME MORE.**

**In fact, this chapter was inspired by a random review by Franshes, who, like many others, has reminded me to update.**

**~XxNightfirexX**


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